I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
