the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
