If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
