Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
