A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
