You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
