No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
