I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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