At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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