i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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