i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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