i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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