I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
