pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
