I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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