Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
