I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
