No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I met the friendliest cop last night
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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