just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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