dude i'm inner monologue high
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
