So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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