I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
