I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
