tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
