Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
