she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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