How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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