i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
