I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
