the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
