You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
