It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
