That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
