I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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