In the future we'll all be gay
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
