I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
