if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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