I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
