you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
