We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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