Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
