I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
