the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
