You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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