You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
