my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
