There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I had to cum in my sink.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
