What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
