I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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