He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
