3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
