I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
we're so committed to being not committed
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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