I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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