So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
