idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
