$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
