im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
