and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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