Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
