Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
