Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
