I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize