Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
