Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My balls are so social today.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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