Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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