Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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