Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
