Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
