I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
