I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
