i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
