Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
