Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
